I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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