honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
