I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
