She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
