I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
