Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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