Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
