All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
