I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
