i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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