just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
