Already got asked if we're dating
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You ruined the universe
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
