Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
