New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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