i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.