Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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