I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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