i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
