I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
as a side note pls kill me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
