I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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