her vagine was all disorganized.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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