K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
