I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
