before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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