need another drink. this is the easiest way
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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