please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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