I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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