i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
