The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I still have a little drunk in my system
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
