If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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