I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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