Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
