My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
