hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
