Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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