Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
