I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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