Your face is a jimmy john
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
