The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
