3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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