I just pynch a tree in the face
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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