no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
we should paint friendship bongs
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