paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
