she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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