You just made me feel so damn special
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
