do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
