He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
