Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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