you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
