Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
