what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize