apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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