I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
