You can't special order awesome
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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