Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
