I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
