Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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