Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
