her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
