Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
