He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
