I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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