You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
