I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
