i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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