Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
