Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
