I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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