it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
