I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
