We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
