i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
