And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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