Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
